Saturday, January 15, 2011

Please Don't Live With Regret

I haven't spoken to my Nanny in over 5 years for over something that probably could have been settled pretty quickly with a little communication. Now before this she was one of only two people in my life ( not included as immediate family meaning hubby, kids and parents) that where 100% there for me no matter what. I found out today that she past away. For over a year I have been trying to work up the nerve to call her. As I new with each passing day she was growing old and here health getting worse, but my pride kept stopping me. I know have to live with the guilt and regret of not being able to say goodbye, I'm sorry or I love you.

I'm not sorry for being mad, I still feel I had every right to be mad over what was said... which I'm not going to get into on my public blog. But sometimes words and emotions get in our way and prevent us or better yet we prevent ourselves from being with the ones we love. I've said for years I don't care it, doesn't bother me none...And what I found out today was that was just a great big lie I told myself in order to make myself feel OK about it all. Now that it is to late all I can do is regret it all.

Please don't let stupid family arguments get in the way of what is important. Don't let your selfishness or pride stand in your way, even if your sure your right..It's not worth it in the big picture. Who cares who is right and who is wrong, when one of you is gone. You can't turn back time, you'll never have them back again. Even if you truly think and feel you don't care trust me you might care a whole lot more then you think.

Live, laugh, forget the little things, move around the big ones and always remember I love you's!

RIP Nanny 5/27/38 - 1/14/2011
Nanny and her 1st Great Grandson my Joey

* Please excuse typos and anything else I'm just not all there at the moment 


Our Village is a Little Different said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I'm sorry about your Nanny. I'm sure she knows your heart now.

It is hard - not being able to say goodbye. I lost my Dad suddenly, and while we were close, I still feel like I had so much more to say. I wish you peace.

Mama Swears said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I'm so sorry.

Cammie@Flutterbys and Frogs said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I am so sorry for you. I'm on the other side of the fence, my father refuses to speak to me (it's been about 2 years now) because I chose to have a second child and *gasp* baby #2 was a girl. If anything happens I would be heartbroken to have things left unsaid.


I know that no matter what reason he thinks has for not calling, he still loves me.

I know that I will get to see him in heaven and spend eternity with him.

I know that time without talking cannot break a bond that we have.

I'm sure your Nanny felt the same about you.
I don't know you personally, but I will be praying for peace of heart and mind for you.
Love and Blessings

Janine said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

So sorry for the loss of your Nanny and that you never got to say the things that you wanted to say. As has already been expressed, no matter the last 5 years - that bond has always remained. May your heart be comforted in this time. Sending you my biggest hug.

mommylebron said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

((hugs) I'm very sorry not only for your loss but for the guilt you're holding on to. Take your own advice, love, let it go. She wouldn't want you to keep that weight on your heart.

SuperMOM said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Sometimes being the bigger person in life is HARD. this is a good reminder for me to call my sister..I don't think i have really talked to her in about 3 years :(

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lfhpueblo said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Sometimes older people think they can say anything they want, simply because they've earned the right to speak their mind, but they have to realize that thought process can backfire on them.
They need to respect younger people's feelings just as they want theirs respected.
So, you choose not to speak to her after what was said, and broke ties. That was your right. To me that was better than keeping an on going disagreement going on over something an older person may not have relented on- their opinion and their words. I think you would have felt worse had that happened and there was a kind of constant strife or upheaval going on. I think that would have been harder on her than the quietness between the two of you after that discussion long ago.
Granted now it's too late for the two of you to try and mend fences so to speak, but she's not remembering that day anymore. Her
spirit isn't tied to it and neither should yours be.
Guilt and condemnation is not from God, it's from ourselves or Satan trying to make us feel bad.
I'm sure she'd not want you to be focusing on this, but rather just
remembering the good and nice memories and times the two of you had together. I hope that for you too, that you can find those memories and not allow the others to come to mind. When you do feel that day coming to mind, please try to replace it with a good memory and it doesn't even have to be of you and her, just a replacement thought of good and kindness.

Crystal said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Some of your comments brought tears to my eyes but not in a bad way..Thank you for the support

Dee said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I'm so very sorry that you're living with this regret Crystal. Big hugs and lots of love sent your way!!

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